Welp, cancer has decided to give me another visit! It was already in my lung, which we saw back in December 2021, it hasn’t increased in size at all. But now I have two tumors in the wall of my abdomen, Peritoneal Metastases. From what I’ve read, it is rare for breast cancer to metastasis into the abdomen and is usually detected in late stages. I’m happy that mine was detected early. It also stated that complete cytoreductive surgery combined with hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy and systemic chemotherapy is the main treatment and the five year survival rate is 45% – not sure if that’s good or bad.
Cancer crap always has long, hard to pronounce words! Most of which I have no idea of the meaning. Did I ever mention my hatred of cancer?!? I had no idea what cytoreductive and hyperthermic intraperitoneal even means. Google to the rescue! It basically means that the visible cancerous tumors are surgically removed from the abdominal cavity. The cavity is then bathed with hot chemotherapy — heated to 107 degrees — to kill any microscopic cancer cells that remain. The recovery time is 6-8 weeks. It also said that recovery is painful. Who the hell wants to do that??? I’ll have to see what my other options are. I am not in the mood to be in pain, especially pain at the level that I imagine it would be.
I feel so weird about this cancer reoccurrence (this has been my sixth one). I mean, I’m not scared (because – been there, done that) and I’m not worried (I think that I’ve worried enough). I sort of feel numb with a bit of anger sprinkled in. I know that I don’t want to be sick, perhaps that’s my only worry. I really don’t want to be sick again. I don’t want to have to ask others to help take care of me. I don’t want to be unable to do things. I don’t want a sore throat from vomiting. I don’t want my hair to fall out, especially since it just started to really grow. So I’m just a bit angry. Angry that cancer keeps picking on me. It it just so persistent. First as a teen, then in my early. 20s and now over and over in my 40s. What the fuck?!?! I think that my anger is my fuel – I refuse to go out without a fight. I’m going to fight until there is no fight left and I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I feel like cancer just keeps fucking with me and I’ve never been one to back down from a fight. I’ve been called stubborn and hardheaded my entire life. I’m going to show what stubborn and hardheaded really is.
Fuck you cancer! You are in for a battle. I will not give up. I will not give in. You may knock me down, but I will get up – again and again and again!